Stroll Down Memory Lane

Published on by Lisa Category: Family Musings, Notes From Home Plate

It is the end of the year and I always right a Year in Review. That probably won’t be posted until we edge toward New Year’s Eve, but going back even further than a year, I was thinking about how much has happened to my life, Nick’s life, our life since we smashed cake into each other’s faces and our guests started taking bets who would win in a wrestling match. A lot has changed, especially this year.

Nick’s doctoral program, moving to Boston, moving to Cleveland, buying our first home, my trip to the Philippines, Nick’s new job, the garbage disposal…all these things have given us tremendous opportunities to grow and learn about ourselves and each other.

We thank God everyday for each of our friends and family members who have supported us this year. And while my Year in Review is still a few weeks away, we just wanted to take this time and say Thank You to all of you who have prayed for us, helped us move in anyway, and assist us in realizing our dreams.

So, thanks. (in a really, really big, Statue of Liberty kind of way)

(By the way, in case you don’t remember, or didn’t see our wedding cake fight, just know that I TOTALLY won. Look at his face if you need evidence.)

Thank You, Chicago!

Published on by Lisa Category: Notes From Home Plate, Roadtrips and Travels


I can’t believe I forgot to post this, but I had my first public reading last weekend!

make/shift magazine, for which I edit, had a public reading in Chicago and invited me to read some of my work along with four other writers. I was so excited! My first public reading.

Unfortunately, Nick was still getting over whatever bug he had left in his system and we thought it best for him to just get rest so he can fully recuperate. Bummer, though, because it was a thrilling experience.

I drove to Chicago Friday morning and stayed with an old friend who lives in the city. That night, I expected about 10-20 people to show. I figured the weather was FRIGID – about 4 people died over the weekend in Chicago because of the cold – and I expected most folks to stay in doors. Would you believe we had a wonderful crowd of 40 folks or so, all interested in hearing us read our work and talk about our magazine. Isn’t that lovely?

The weirdest moment came when someone asked me for my autograph. No joking. No shit.

My autograph?

“Would you sign it right by your name?”
Sure.
“Would you personalize it as well?”
Uh, ok.
Scibble, scribble – Thanks for your support, Lisa F-B.
“Can I contact you?”
Getting weird. Um, you can see my contact information on the website, my email is there.
“Can I send you something directly?”
No, that’s ok. If you ever have questions about the magazine or my work, you can email me. Like I said, email is the best way for me.
“All they have here is a p.o. box address. Can I have your real address?”
NO.
“I like your dress. It’s really cute.”

Ok, now I am walking away from the guy.

So, other than that tiny exchange, I was all smiles at the Women and Children First Bookstore. The rest of the weekend was picture taking and, sure enough, the backdrop of Chicago is a beauty. Interested in some pics of the city? Click here.

Sean Avery and Jon Favreau: Comparing the NHL and the Obama Administration

Published on by Lisa Category: Current Events, Feminism, Political Dirt, Pop culture

Two recent public incidents have caught my eye and I’m stuck on one question someone asked me, “What do you think is appropriate punishment?”

Last week, NHL player, Sean Avery, came under fire after commenting to the press and making a disparaging comment about former girlfriends who are now in relationships with other NHL players:

“I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the
NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what
that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

He is referring to ex-girlfriend actress Elisha Cuthbert is reportedly now dating Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames. Another former girlfriend of Avery, model Rachel Hunter is reportedly now seeing another NHL player, Jarret Stole of the Los Angeles Kings.

Avery, with a history of making inappropriate remarks to stir controversy was suspended for six games and has been described as a “disturber, an agitator” by Barry Melrose, ESPN NHL analyst.

Even more recently, the chief speechwriter of our President-elect, 27 year old Jon Favreau, has made his own headlines when a picture of him was displayed on Facebook that showed the newly minted talent groping the right breast of a life-size cutout of the new Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton. In the picture, there is a friend tilting a beer to her lips, offering a kiss, and grasping the top of the cutout’s hair, all together disturbing and disasterous.

These two separate incidents are, in one sense, hardly newsworthy when you consider the severity of the actions: offensive statements and thoughtless sexist actions caught on camera. But what makes these kinds of incidents so compelling is the reaction of the public and the organizations they represent. To date, Avery was suspended for six games and Favreau, according to the Washington post apologized to the former First Lady, but received no punishment for his boorish pose. Even more maddening is that Clinton camp simply called it good-natured fun and Clinton is “pleased to learn of Jon’s obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application,” despite her reign on the sexist parade the past two years.

So, let me make this clear in my head: the NHL suspends Avery for his disrespectful comments toward women (albeit, he had already established a history and his reputation preceded him) but the Obama administration has nothing to say. Clinton herself, who rightfully pointed out the sexism spewed on her during her campaign trail, has now gone cold on calling out sexism and sings pleasure of his application to the State Department. Favreau, the leading mind behind Obama’s public vernacular merely hangs his head as he is carded the newest “Facebook victim” and nothing more.

The lack of any kind of response about the Favreau incident is off-putting. Which brings me to the question: What is the appropriate response for offensive behavior done off working hours but contradict the image what you work for? Does the punishment fit the crime? In Avery’s case, yes. He reportedly had been warned in the past and to carefully watch his mouthy steps. Favreau though, with all of this verbal sophistication, looks like he will not even receive a tap on his once roaming right hand. If firing him is not the correct measure, then what? Suspending him for six speeches? I don’t think so, but his thoughtlessness warrants something in between losing his job and Clinton’s spokesperson sweeping it under the rug.

Momentarily putting aside the commendable and rare response of the NHL, the sad reality of these two incidents is not the six-game suspension or public shaming of “Favs.” The maddening component of these behaviors is how easy it is to dismiss sexism, however public or lewd. Any weekend in any bar – glorified city or unknown small town – on any given Saturday night gathering, you can find an Avery or Favreau disrespecting women either in word or gesture. The most common character though is the person who makes light of it all; you can always find a Philippe Reines nonchalantly waving it off as funny or a trivial matter.

I just never thought I’d ever have to compare the NHL to the Democratic party for their reactions to sexism and then applaud the former for taking some form of action. At the very least, they recognized it as unacceptable and sent a stiff penalty to Avery with a kindergarten lesson attached, “That’s not right and you can’t say something like that.”

And since the Dems seem to be suddenly ignoring the impact of a sexist action gone internet crazy, I take it upon myself to give a kindergarten message made especially for Jon Favreau, “Stay in line and keep your hands to yourself.”

Cross-posted at Bitch Magazine.

The Christmas Problem

Published on by Lisa Category: Holidays, Notes From Home Plate

Last month I joined Facebook (an online social networking thingy that’s oodles of fun and lets you keep in touch with your best friend from pre-school on the east coast) and have been putting weekly plugs in Nick’s ear to join as well. His worry: it might be too much work.

(It requires you to periodically check an online account and click a button that says, “Yes this person _______ is my friend.” CLICK. _______ is added to your friend list.
Nick still maintains this is work.)

I posted this picture on my Facebook account and entitled it, “The Christmas Problem,” and promised to name the tree after whomever gave the best advice on how to move forward. Here’s the background:

Nick and I were debating about fake vs. real trees. Of course we have completely different opinions. Nick grew up with the former. I grew up with the latter. I wanted the latter. Nick wanted the former. You can guess how this debate went. Finally, Nick said, “I just don’t want our house to burn down.” Apparently this happens more with real trees? I’m not sure of that, but it sounded pretty convincing so we decided artificial is the way to go.

So I’m out hunting for deals and spot the last 9ft. artificial tree in the window ON SALE! Of course, I can’t pass that down, so I put on my aggressive face and elbow my way to the counter. She tells me there are none left. Sold out.

I end up buying the display and am so proud of my timing and skills on the Super Tall tree that I speed home to show Nick our newest purchase. Not wanting to spoil my excited blabbering about my great deal, he smiles encouragingly and pats my shoulder. His eyes flicker a bit when I boast that it’s 9ft tall. “How’s that going to fit?”

I immediately think, “Well, you turn it sideways and walk through the door. Getting it in won’t be THAT hard.”

He sees my confused look and clarifies, “The ceiling. We probably don’t have 10ft. ceilings.”

We don’t?

No. (Take a look at the picture.) We don’t.

So, after a week of having a tilted tree, we ended up taking out the middle section so it now stands at a boring 7.5ft.

I never received so many messages via Facebook about The Christmas Problem. The suggestions ranged from cutting a hole in either the ceiling or floor to sawing the middle pole. Amazing how no one suggested taking out one section. That was my idea.

SOOOO, I guess I’ll name it after me: The Lisa Problem.

Health and Breath

Published on by Lisa Category: Uncategorized

Since so many of my posts have been up serious creek, I thought it important for folks to realize that not all of feminism is S.E.R.I.O.U.S.

So much of what makes feminism so attractive, to me, is that it covers a multitude of issues on the spectrum of women and gender. One of the basic things that I think we forget is how important our health factors into our feminism. Yes, our HEALTH. After all, there isn’t going to be much you can do when you can’t breathe properly or stand up straight because of, say, your bra?

Yep, a new article has emerged exploring the health affects of ill-fitting bras and the woes of wearing said harnesses. Headache? Indegestion? Maybe switch out your chest straps for something more comfortable and supportive. Not standing up straight or have poor posture? Maybe it’s because of your bra.

“If a woman is bending forward because of insufficient breast support, the trapezius overstretches and causes headaches. All nerve roots come from the back; stomach upsets and fatigue are common byproducts of bad back health. If ladies have a proper bra-fitting, back problems are often resolved.”

The article covers the dying trend of bra-fittings and advocates that women should at least get an idea of what their size and needs are before they grab whatever they think their size is. I was yawning during the article until it outlined all the different signs that you’re wearing the wrong size. I started thinking about how much time and care I put into picking my shoes, but how I haphazardly grab what I assume to be the correct number and letter in the bra department. Now that I think about it…for something you wear nearly everyday of your life post-puberty, don’t you think it might be worth the investment to invest your money in what fits, rather than what looks good or has the color you think matches your shirt? It might be worth alleviating back pain, headaches, or other ailments. At the very least, you can sit up and breathe normally.

Breath is essential to feminist discourse.

Cross-posted at Bitch Magazine.

Good-bye to Anonymous Privileges

Published on by Lisa Category: Moments Poetic

How I have tried to make you feel included
by allowing your comments and words,
but I think it’s time to change that
and now wail a song of dirge.

Your barrage of f*uck you’s and threats
once scared me to the bone,
but now I realize you write these things
behind a screen, faceless, and alone.

Oh Anon, I have no idea who or where you are
Managua, San Antonio, or Madrid –
But, I suggest you at least identify your soul
and claim your own words as I did.

Because there’s an unspoken rule I believe in life:
That your energy fills your space;
and your constant negativity spewed at me
is neutralized by your Anonymous face.

A troll, a hater, a miserable hobbit?
I don’t know why you insist on staying here –
But one thing I know about remaining anon
You don’t change when you live in fear.

And so, no more Anonymous comments are allowed
here at My Ecdysis, my blog.
Go visit someone else, go leave your hate there
or wander in your dark cyber fog.

I appreciate all commenters’ time and thoughts
and render each person smart –
But I have a thick skin and a witty mind, too
And so your f-bombs aren’t taken to heart.

All the best to you, Anon –
I hope you have a happy life that’s kind!
I’m sure you’re more than your hateful crap
that you fruitlessly leave behind.

Get Real, Get Local When Ending Violence Against Women

Published on by Lisa Category: Violence Against (Brown) Womyn

Violence against women is the most explosive topic for me. Four years ago, in a job interview, a panelist asked me what I thought was the most critical feminist issue. I paused and, in that moment, my mouth began moving without forethought.

This was my stand then and is my stand today: “Violence against women is the most critical issue for me. There are unspeakable acts of torture against women in every country, in every town; most of them, though, we will never know about. Most of these acts are buried the moment a hand, acid, or knife touches the skin of a woman. They are buried in the heart of the woman who is beaten, raped, or killed. There is no other issue for me that more resoundly denies the basic humanity of a woman than sexual violence. No other act of torture can murder the livelihood and promise of a young girl but still leave her physical body intact as rape. There is nothing parallel to the gross normalcy of using women and their bodies in acts of domination, war fare, or for one sided sexual gratification. There is no greater measure of the cultural and global betrayal against women than the secrecy and rampant evil we simply allow when justice for a survivor dies in the silence of her scream.”

There are so many campaigns for ending violence against women or raising awareness for international activism. What I have learned from my experiences as a writer and researcher on this topic is that violence against women is at your fingertips. There is no walk across state lines to find survivors who need help now. Local domestic shelters or crisis agencies have openings for trained hotline responders or are in need of clothes donations. Where there are women, there are vast needs to combat sexual violence.

To truly learn the face of violence you must see its failed judicial system, lack of training for law enforcements, and the way a courtroom sounds when a jury cannot absorb air-tight medical expert testimony and relies upon gendered and cultural stereotypes to deliver a “not guilty” verdict.

It is not enough to hope the violence stops. In a recent article, I advocated that feminists know when enough is enough. It is, however, also imperative that feminist know when hope is not enough. Ending violence against women necessitates one thing: local, community action.

Cross-posted at Bitch Magazine

The Final Change

Published on by Lisa Category: Uncategorized

I wavered for about three months with the title of my blog.

A Womyn’s Ecdysis was the name for over two years. And then I felt an itch. An itch to change that reflected the restlessness inside.

I renamed it Disobedience to reflect the hard core rebellion of mainstream feminism and societal values.

And while that still holds true, disobedience is a part of me. It’s a part of my feminism, but I am so much more than a reactive action. I am more than the art and act of disobeying the rules or system.

Creativity, change, transformation, and revelation. These are the elements of my blog. They are the elements of me.

I decided to forego “WOMYN’S” and just go for “MY” because I have been thinking long and hard about a comment someone left about how the former has an unfavorable history with the transpopulation. It may have just been that one person, but it irked me. Nowhere in my blog, however unintentional, do I want folks or even one folk to feel like I am utilizing language that is exclusive. My language and life will forever be imperfect, but I will consistently strive for radical equality and inclusivity.

Ecdysis. The art of shedding and growing into new shapes and thoughts and theories. That is the backbone of my life and personal philosophy and have returned, permanently, to this name.

Please adjust your links and sidebars to reflect that.

Salamat!

Nick’s Sick

Published on by Lisa Category: Life is Never General, Notes From Home Plate

He’s snoring like a whale, poor guy. He wasn’t feeling that great over Thanksgiving weekend, but he mustered up all his strength to fully participate in all family events.

We returned to our beloved Cleveland and it was downhill from there. I woke up this morning to his ragged breathing and him poking me in the arm, “Leese? Could you get get me some medicine? And orange juice? And bread to make toast? And starter logs to make a fire? And some movies from Blockbuster?”

Now while some people don’t like when their spouses ask them to do things, I absolutely adore it and jump at the chance to buy him things. Nick is so low maintenance that I get a thrill from buying him cold medicine. In all the years I’ve known Nick, this is probably the 4th time he’s ever asked me to do something for him. Feeling domestic and all wife-like, I happily oblige.

And so I made him soup and stocked up on meds. We watched movie after movie today and had a roaring fire to keep warm.

He missed work today and since I am happily unemployed for the time being, I enjoyed the rare company in the house.

Here’s a few photos of our first Thanksgiving in our house with my side of the family. It took place the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I was proud to host our first holiday and cooked my heart out. Click here for pics.