Mom, Don’t Worry

My Favorite Pumpkin

He’s got four teeth coming in on top and the two furthest out are coming in faster than the others so it looks like he is growing fangs. Poor thing has had a rough week. Isaiah’s got a little edge to him these days with the change in temperatures, change in light, and his aching gums. He’s crawling faster and faster and starting to pull himself up on things, exploring the world that exists at 2ft above ground level.

Isaiah has been invited to his first party, too! This Sunday, his one of his best buddies, Rudy Purcell, is turning one. Rudy, also a hapa (aka, half Filipino) is about two months older than Isaiah and his parents are also Xavier alum. We predict that Isaiah and Rudy will probably go on a spring break trip together in their junior year. We want to get them matching shirts that read: SPRING BREAK ’32 BABY!

Nick just went through finals and I was told by my doctor I need to boost my Vitamin D intake. Vitamin D, also known as the sunshine Vitamin, is a hard thing to get adequate levels. I live in CLEVELAND where the sun pays a visit a few times a week, if we’re lucky. Today is the first day in, I swear, 10 days that I actually see color in the sky. The difference is breathtaking.

Isaiah is also going through these mini-hunger strikes, where he refuses to eat anything. Which sends my mother into a fret where she analyzes the pictures I send and they are emailed back to me with questions from my parents: WHY AREN’T YOU FEEDING MY GRANDSON?

Sometimes, I want to reply, “WAIT! I’m supposed to continue to feed him food once I’m done breastfeeding?! I TOTALLY FORGOT!”

Just kidding, Mom. While Isaiah has now been exclusively bottled for about a week or two, he’s just waaay more interested in the world 2ft above ground level than he is with eating. Such luxuries a 9 month old has.

So, I am sending this picture to the world so you can all see that he’s doing wonderfully and while he’s losing his cute round rolls, they are being replaced with twinkles in his eyes, full of curiosity and delight.

A Writing Prompt for Dear Sister

A New Home for the Dear Sister Anthology!

If you hadn’t heard, I have created a new blog for my anthology, Dear Sister, and it’s now home to new updates, announcements, and writing prompts as the book unfolds. It’s an exciting piece of work and I’m honored to say that the response has been overwhelming!

Go over there to check it out if you haven’t already done so!
Dear Sister’s New Home! Click here!

M-e-l-t

Isaiah just had a rare pre-sleep meltdown. It lasted 30 minutes. The noise was similar to that of a child who has been denied every kind of right, pleasure, applesauce, and freedom known to a 9 month old. Every effort Nick and I made only made things worse. His screech oscillated between hollering at us and showing us his tonsils. I believe the neighbors were peering out behind their curtains, “Such lovely landscaping, such a questionable parenting tactics…”

Nick and I used to say that we would like four children. These days, we say, “We’re open to having 1 to 4 children.”

Update to Dear Sister Anthology

The Dear Sister Anthology is gaining momentum faster than I could have anticipated.

Read: this is GREAT news.

So, I’m moving some things around so I can accommodate the contributors who need space to have their questions answered. This requires more than just a space on my website – it needs a blog of its own.

Voila! Say hello (or pay a visit) to the home for the Dear Sister Anthology: www.dearsisteranthology.wordpress.com

This will be home to updates and anything involving my work on this project. As this wonderful project unfolds, I pray that it finds its way into the hands of readers who need it most: survivors without support, family, friends, resources, or community.

This work is dedicated to all of the women, men, and children I have worked with who have been violated, beaten, raped, tortured, humiliated, robbed, burned, kidnapped, tricked, harassed, and neglected. It’s purpose is to give evidence to the transformation and hope that lies beyond the darkness. Dear Sister is a tangible piece of peace that tells the reader the one thing s/he most needs to hear:

My friend, you are not alone. Morning is coming.

Engaged

It’s not writer’s block.
It’s not that a lot isn’t going on.
It’s just that offline life is growing in exciting and demanding new ways that cuts a bit of my blogging.
But, the 411 is …

My sister is engaged!
And my best friend in the world is engaged!
And one of my closest dearest friends in the world is engaged!
And Nick’s best friend is engaged!
and
YOU should get engaged…

2011 is going to be a massive nuptials year.

So This Is Motherhood

Maddening.
Consuming.
Head-stuffing.
Forehead in my hands disbelief.
Bone deep fatigue.
Silent pleaing.
Aching feet.
Aging knees.
Eating on the run.
Singing non-stop for baby.
Gentle surprises.
Foregone fashion.
Observing delight.
Broken toys.
Bottomless baskets of laundry.
Wrecked balance.
Quick prayers.
Stains.
Anxiety.
Questions.
Doubt.
A lot of doubt.
Remembering.

So this is motherhood for today.

Letter 15

Dear Isaiah,

Yesterday was your first day in a swing. I have a picture of it that completely captures who you are right now. The view is from the ground up, you are looking at me, mouth wide open in a smile, and your limbs are as free as a bird. It looks like you’re flying. The camera can only take pictures from the lens looking out, but if it could have taken a picture of the photographer as it took a picture of you, it would have captured an image of me, smiling just as widely at you.

Happy nine months, Angel.

You are THISCLOSE to crawling. Each day for the past two weeks, you have progressed a little further to independent transportation. You were on all fours, then you rocked back and forth like you were revving your engines, and then your right arm started going forward (followed by a bodily collapse), and then you started slowly moving backward.

This morning you took your first honest to goodness crawl move on my bed; at least, I call it a move because I think you moved about three inches. And you were smiling at me and looking at me the whole time. I’m actually quite surprised you weren’t scared by my high pitched squeals of delight. That moment – you crawling toward me with the happiest and purest look on your face – was beyond measure or price. At that very moment, there was no place I would rather be than in my clothing-infested bedroom with mismatching sheets because I haven’t done the laundry this week, and watching you glow with nine months of discovery, accomplishment, and life.

You are often complimented as handsome, adorable, cute, beautiful, but most of all “SO well-behaved,” and I have to agree. You rarely cry out of no reason, are perfectly happy with a stranger’s hold, and you smile at the long line at the post office. You’re a miracle.

Tito Victor is in town and the last time he saw you was when he came in from Los Angeles for your baptism. You were five weeks old then. It’s genuinely hard to fathom how these past nine months have sped by, but they only keep getting better.

Sure I’m getting cornier by the minute and wearing make-up is now as frequent of an occassion as the presidential State of the Union speech, but YOU, Isaiah, have brought unthinkable beauty and wonder to your father and I. We have no complaints. In our eyes, you are perfect in every way and God left nothing to the imagination when you were created. Every part of perfection God made visible in your face.

You nap right now as I right this, snuggled in your Winnie the Pooh “Adventure Suit” with the little red buttons that flash when you move. Your favorite musical toys – the carousel and laptop – are on the fritz because of overuse and drool bombs dropping onto the speakers.

But you adjust and turn your attention to something more mesmerizing, like an empty plastic Gatorade bottle. You are so easily satisfied.

You have been outside in the world longer than you were germinating in my belly and that fact turns my feelings over and over. It feels sometimes as if children are born to be adored and simultaneously break your heart with love. Everyday, you take one step closer toward me and your Dad and another toward your own little life unfolding in your own way.

You’re on your way, Isaiah, and I will always be there to watch you crawl toward your next achievement; be it an empty gatorade bottle, a degree, a job, a marriage, a partnership, a deal, an understanding, a peace, a creation, a job, a new home, a life.

I will always be there.

Love,
Mama