40 Days of Writing, Day 17: Building the A/PIA Movement

A/PIA stands for Asian Pacific Island Americans

and I am in Ann Arbor, Michigan for two lovely conferences.  They are both being held at the University of Michigan.  One is for A/PIA movement building and the other is for Filipino and Filipino American academics.

I’ve been taking notes all day and I’m exhausted, but I just wanted to post my two favorite quotes I heard thus far:

“Resurrection is the ultimate queer act.” – reflections on LGBTQ resilience, Sony Coranez Bolton

and (drum roll please)

“We are living in a dying empire and that is something to be welcomed.  I love my country so much I want to change it.”  From the indomitable conference celebrant Grace Lee Boggs.

Hopefully I’ll be blogging and tweeting more tomorrow about this.  For now, I’m off to dreamland…a world of peace and artistic revolutions.

40 Days of Writing, Day 16: The Problem with US-Centrism

There are many ways to define “superpower.”  As a nation, the United States boast a number of reasons why it’s the last (or soon to be passing) superpower in the world.  Economically, however arguable, our economy  and entrepreneurship influence every country in the free market.  Our nation was founded on religious freedom and our racial and ethnic diverse populations make us an interesting face to study.

Of course there are always flip sides to all of those reasons why the US is a superpower.  We absorb nearly 25% of the world’s resources even though we make up less than 5% of the world’s population. We have had blood on our hands as the United States backed the military of El Salvador during their civil war out of fear of the spread of communism when, in fact, nuns, priests, and bishops were being murdered by the trained military while the US turned a blind eye.

Yes, the United States is a superpower.  Indeed.  And it’s more evident on the tongues of everyday citizens.  You need not a textbook to to look at our history to understand how the US-centric thinking has tainted the minds of even common “not political” identified people.

US-centrism dominates the discourse and lifestyle of so many people, it’s outrageous that more people just don’t have tattoos on the foreheads, “Everyone should love the USA!”  More and more people, I notice, in everyday conversation normalize the middle class/US lifestyle as the way of life for all.  As if comfort is defined with big homes, intelligence is measured with degrees, and freedom is dictated by the size of one’s salary.

Most recently I was engaged in a conversation with three people I had never met before.  The issue of traveling outside the United States came up and I immediately took interest.  Having traveled to numerous parts of the world, I was eager to hear about other travelers had to say about their adventures.  But instead of sharing rich stories, they started complaining.

“Have you seen the movie “Slumdog Millionaire?”  It’s just like that,” one woman told me.

India, apparently, was on the chopping block.

It became a litany of complaints.  The heat!  The traffic!  The excessive security checks at the airport!  The beggers!  The heat!  How crowded it was!

I opened my mouth to speak about my experiences in the Philippines and in Latin America and how those things were common in economically underprivileged parts of the world.  And, to be comical, couldn’t we just toughen up a little bit as US americans?  We’re so cushioned that we even demand our own personal space, never giving a second thought that we have all the space in the world to clear out, take a walk, be alone, get lost if we want.  I thought and meditated extensively about the privilege of space and time while in the Philippines and how I had *snapped* when I couldn’t get a foot of breathing air on the street.

Privilege.

I opened my mouth to also share my deep yearning to go to India to see this poverty first hand.  I’ve felt a strange calling for nearly ten years to see India, to study its spiritual ethos and cultural roots. Extreme conditions may disturb me physically (anyone remember when I passed out at the base of a garbage dump in the Philippines?), but it shoots adrenaline into my soul to see how the majority of the world lives.

To believe that not only the way we, US citizens, live is the best, but however other people live is something we should avoid or not even tolerate while we are in that country, is US-centrism at its best.

I opened my mouth to say these things and suggest to perhaps talk about the things they did find pleasing in India, but they never let me get a word in.  Strange feelings coursed through me.

I felt embarrassed.

I felt embarrassed because they were so assuming that I would share or already did share their opinion.  I felt embarrassed that they spoke so brashly about a country they clearly knew so little about and still turned their nose up.  I felt embarrassed that these women experienced no filters in their machine gun fire at the beautiful country of India.

Then I felt anger.

US american travelers don’t just love comfort, we expect it.  It doesn’t matter where we travel to, we expect the condition of comfort when we arrive.  Air conditioning and heaters, ice in our drinks and clean silverware.  Cushioned seats and constant breeze.  Delectable restaurants and even more delectable prices.  We want organized traffic signs and English speaking taxi drivers.  So many expect this, even in other countries.  And when those countries don’t deliver, they get our scorn and bad reviews.

Nowhere in our US-centric mentality do we consider the possibility that our comfort zones are really brain washing cells that leave us little to no room for compromise or consideration that we could very possibly be impacting the world that contributes to beggers in the street, to limited air conditioners because our country zaps so much of the world’s energy.  Our linear thinking process travels very clear lines of cause and effect – except when it comes to globalization and social responsibility.  Even as mundane and simple as curtailing our harsh opinions in everyday conversation, we blast other countries for — what?  Poverty?  Their proximity to the sun’s rays?  Traffic laws?  CLEARLY these things are in hands of the beggers and children in the streets that tourists find so pesky.  But we pack them all together with the label ANNOYING and UNACCEPTABLE and tell our friends and family: Don’t go to India!

That is what is wrong with US-centric thinking.  It salts the US lifestyle to the point that everyone else is bland and jealous of us.  It promotes economically underdeveloped countries to set up culturally unthinkable resorts for first world travelers so we don’t have to deal with the harsher reality of its people.  When in Nicaragua, a friend shared the reason why so many rotaries are built near the airport, “When there are no traffic lights, there is no time for beggers to approach the cars.  The government tries to hide its own people.”

There is an illusion that US americans live in.  We think consumerism, immediacy, comfort, and convenience.  That’s how we live.  And that scariest part is not only do we often choose to stay in this protective bubble, many who reside outside the US believe this is the best reality there is, and so they build more mirages for us, for the continued health of our delusional state of living.

40 Days of Writing, Day 15: If Jesus Came Today

I have a lot of thoughts about Jesus.

And lately I’ve been wondering how and why people around me seem determined for me to like and worship their version of Jesus.

The Redeemer.  Savior.  Rabbi.  Teacher.  He was, I believe, all of these.

For me, though, I imagine that Jesus would behave like one of my best friends.  A glorified best friend.  Someone who is so complex and beautiful; someone who endlessly fits me.  When I’m spinning out of emotional control, Tricia’s the listener and squeals, “Whhhaaaat?  How could that happen?”  When I’m depressed about the state of the world, Amanda is the exclaimer, “Leese!  The world needs you!”  When I have a hilarious joke, Gretchen is the one who stops in whatever she’s doing and laughs soundlessly into the phone.  Best friends do this.  They mold into whatever you need to get through the day.

I think, in a lot of ways, that’s who Jesus is and who He would be if He came for me today.  He’d take one look at me and become ________ to get me through the day.

Today, He’d be a listener.  The ultimate listener.

40 Days of Writing, Day 14: A Quote on Men, Women, & Food

I just wanted to point out a lovely remark my darling partner made this past weekend…

I casually ask Nick why most men don’t care about what they eat.

He replied, “Men aren’t punished for showing their desire for food or their appetite. Women are punished not just for eating, but if their bodies don’t look a certain way, or even if they desire something that is considered inappropriate by society. Men aren’t punished the way women are.”

That was one of those times when I think to myself, “Damn, I really love my lifetime boyfriend.”


40 Days of Writing, Day 13: Getting Back in the Saddle

One cold, one upper respiratory infection and two incidents of thrown out backs later, I find myself at the gym. Specifically, I’m back in zumba class and the mad dash to work out now that spring is here is nothing short of eye popping annoying.  The zumba class comfortably accommodates 45.  It can squeeze 50 -60.  Today, there were nearly 80 people in the room.  80!

The woman next to me hit me twice during our dance moves.  You can’t really get into the hot groove of swinging your tush when there’s another person’s hip in your back.

My back is cracking and popping like popcorn.  Every move sounds like some kind of release and while it feels wonderful, it is equally frustrating to start at the beginning of getting fit.  Lying on my back with limited mobility for nearly 3 weeks atrophied my muscles and took any kind of endurance out of my lungs.  My jeans are a little snug and working out, as expected, for the first time felt slow and measured.  Before my injuries, I was lifting and running, dancing on my off days and feeling fantastic.  My mood was elevated and workouts, even in the most intense intervals, felt like a wonderful burning sensation.  Afterward, I felt renewed and energized.

Now?  After today’s workout I was hobbling to my car and rested in the driver’s seat until I realized someone was patiently waiting for my parking spot.

As one gets older, the spring break fitness routines and alcohol binges seem somewhat ridiculous.  Just like working out solely to be thin seems.  I work out now to relieve stress, to feel normal, to release some inner pressure that can only be released with physical exertion and sweat.  I work out to feel that lovely swing of my ponytail and to feel the blood pumping in my limbs, feeding the muscles’ work.  I love leaning over the water fountain and that terrible gym water taste like heaven on my dry tongue.

Today, though, it was one long marathon of a workout.  An hour and fifteen minutes of, “Oh.  My.  God.  Please.  Help.  Me.  I am going to DIE.”

But, that’s what you do to get back in the saddle.  Pain first.  Then pleasure. Then euphoria.

I want to have that euphoria again.

40 Days of Writing, Day 12: Letter to My Son

Dear Isaiah,

You’re so funny.

You walk with your hands behind you.  You open your mouth real wide “aaaaaahhhh” after you drink something, like you’ve been in the Sahara desert with no water for days and savoring the quenched feeling.  You repeat things that your Dad prompts you to say.  Today, on a walk, your dad and I could’ve sworn you said “doggie” when we pointed one out and said it over and over to you.

You talk to yourself in the crib in the morning, like prepping yourself up for the day.  You smile excitedly when we we clap our hands or sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands.”  You love Capri Sun juice.

You walked outside for the first time this past week.  Up and down our sidewalk, you just took your time, observing the world.  For 10 minutes straight, you sat on the concrete, examining my keys.

You appear to know what “bed” means because when we say it, you lay your head on my or your dad’s shoulder.  Sometimes going down without even a peep of a protest.  This, along with your general good natured attitude, gives oomph to your dad’s assertion that if we decide to have another child, there’s no way s/he will be as well-behaved and laid back as you are.  It’s impossible for God to be that generous.

You’re a peaceful soul, observing others and keeping to yourself.  You’re not shy, but you definitely watch.  I think you get that from me.

But all these things can’t really sum up the 15 months you have been alive.  It only scratches the surface of the past WEEK.  You spring new noises and habits every other day and it’s a pure gift to witness your development first hand.

The first day of spring has brought more sunshine to your life.  That’s the least we can do when you’ve given so much light to ours.

Love,

Mom

40 Days of Writing, Day 11: On Breaking Vows

I made a vow to write everyday for 40 days.  On day 10, I forgot.

I FORGOT.

Nothing fancy.  Nothing tragic.  I simply FORGOT.

Nick told me to let it go and keep writing, “the point,” he said, “is redemption.”

No.  The point is to write everyday and I FORGOT.

What happened that day, I questioned myself in my head.

I woke up, went to work.  Had a meeting.  Worked, took care of Isaiah, babysitter canceled.  Scrambled to find a sitter because we had tickets to the Xavier game downtown.  And NCAA tickets aren’t something you turn your back on.  Out of town NCAA game goers came over.  Drove downtown, witnessed one of the sorriest performances every by my beloved Musketeers, drove home.  Thanked my sister 9238 times for watching Isaiah and then comforted a teething baby from 12am – 2am.  Wished Nick a happy birthday and fell into an exhausted sleep.

One of the things about getting older, I’ve found, is going a little easier on yourself when you fail.  I had a dream to writer 40 for 40 and I didn’t even make it to 10.

But, I’m writing now.

I fell off and I’m getting right back up.

That’s what writers do.  And that’s certainly what mothers do.

So, I do, too.

40 Days of Writing, Day 9: Strength in Brevity

A year or two ago, a visiting priest came to our parish and when he stood at the pulpit to deliver his homily, he looked to the crowd and said, “Be merciful.  Be merciful.  Be merciful.”

And walked back to his seat.

The congregation was stunned, and not because of its profundity.  As people of faith, we often expect our religious leaders to exand!  elaborate!  explain!, forgetting that, from time to time, repeating the same thing can have its own deep impact.

That, or that priest feels like I do right now: I just don’t know what else to say.

Be merciful, folks.  However that affects you today in your relationships to others, to the earth, to the people of Japan, or even to yourself.

Be merciful.

40 Days of Writing, Day 8: How to Un-Celebritize Your Life

I like knowing things about famous people.  I watch TV and I’m a careful consumer of media with the awareness that with every second of air time, with every inch of billboard, with ever soundwave on the radio, there’s an agenda.  There’s nothing more attractive to business people than the glossy surface of your brain which they’d like to fill with products, messages, and catchy jingles.  The more famous someone is, the more precious the space around them becomes.  And if there’s one thing that can be said about US culture – especially in the rise of digital media – is our utter obsession with celebrity hood.

It’s not just the celebrities themselves either.  It’s the belief that we ourselves – anyone! really – could and should be worthy of fame and microphones.  And not only can our kids aspire to have their own papparazzi, we have begun to be indifferent about the effects of celebrity culture, as outlined here by this great post by The Aporeticus:

  • that where we pay attention directs where technology and commerce occur, which in turn produces systems for concentrating our attention ever more on those parts of culture;
  • that as a result, celebrity culture is not merely a matter of the public’s attentiveness to phony, flagrantly moronic nonsense, but is additionally a catalyst that compels media, platforms, and systems of information delivery to mirror its priorities;
  • that the web, in particular, is driven by the imperatives of celebrity culture, both in organizing activities around the transmission of gossip and superficial chatter about “the froth and scum” and in permitting us all to become celebrities.

read the whole thing here and a great follow-up here.

Now, you may think I’m a bit of hypocrite, as I lazily watch reality TV here and there and write my own life out in the open gaze of the internet.  Here’s the difference:  I don’t believe I am or ever will be famous.  I don’t believe or celebrate the opinion of Oprah nor do I pass along the latest trend styles from Michelle Obama’s.  And, I’d write the exact same thing if I had zero readers or a million readers.  I write openly because I love to write.  I remain unmotivated by fame. It’s unfortunate, but I just don’t think sexual violence prevention and feminist spirituality is going to catch on like dating and mini skirts.

Uncelebritizing my life isn’t about a complete refusal of celebrity and media in my life, it’s more a de-cluttering of people I follow on Twitter, how decreasing the number of times inane Hollywood thoughts occupy space in my brain. I turn off TMZ and turn my thoughts on other forms of entertainment.

I want to celebrate authenticity and real opinion of everyday people.

Wanna do the same?  Follow my lead:

  1. If someone brings up reality TV, claim that your reality is the only reality you know.
  2. Ask a 16 year old what s/he wants to do with the rest of their life & when they say, “I dunno,” remind them Justin Beiber, such an accomplished hair trend setter, is 17.
  3. Take pictures of your neighbor through a bush and yell, “HOW DOES IT FEEL?”
  4. Gossip only about people you know.
  5. Preface all opinions with, “This is off the record…”
  6. Remind party goers in your life that Photoshop could be responsible for their professional downfall.

If you don’t know this is tongue in cheek, you need to stop taking everything written on the internet so seriously which is another step to uncelebritize your life.

40 Days of Writing, Day 7: Writing Through Pain

The only reason I am writing this sentence at this very moment is because I promised myself I would and because I believe that having a hiccup this early on in my Lenten promise is nothing short of embarrassing.

I have a headache.  And it’s one of those where even after 2 Tylenol, the pain is blocked, and your head still kinda feels cloudy.

Writing through pain is a good discipline.  Not every day is a good one.  Not every post is profound.

I can write through my pain if I think of things which give me relief and what I am grateful for.  So here is my litany of gratitude:

I am grateful for the awesome caretaker who watches Isaiah like a hawk and has a gentle voice.  She started this week and things are off to a great start.

I am so grateful that Tylenol exists and my neurotransmitters transmitting PAIN PAIN PAIN are being blocked right now.

I’m grateful to be writing this on a MAC and not an IMB which, in my opinion, freeze and throw temper tantrums like a 2 year old without a nap.

I’m relieved to know that the day is over and I am almost through a very thick week of evening programs, meetings, and consulting.  And grateful, at the same time, to be paid for aforementioned responsibilities.

I’m relieved that Isaiah is sleeping through the night again.  (Small stretch of 2am teething cries.)

I’m grateful that I bought those brown boots early in November.  They were worth the investment as I wore them for the billionth time today.

I’m relieved and grateful that today was warm enough for a 30 minute walk outside with the stroller.

I’m grateful for my amazing mother who stayed with me for a month, helping me recuperate from my back sprain and take such loving care of Isaiah.

I’m relieved to hear that Nick’s competitive and perfectionist nature is leading him to absurdly high marks on his midterm exams.

I’m grateful for my life that enables me to write through my pain.

Be grateful and acknowledge those reasons aloud.  You’ll be surprised how many surface…