Normal Number of Sleep Hours from Mon-Friday: 40
Number of Hours Slept Since Monday: 19
I’m becoming really good friends with 4am.
Life is Never General
Radical Gratitude
As some of you may know, I am working on a collection of essays about my recent voyage to the Philippines. Each essay explores a different perspective of my learnings and meditations. This is one of those essays and is entitled, “Radical Gratitude.”
There is a sweetness to life that I wish for all to experience someday.
A sweetness of age when wisdom falls into your life after years and pain and triumph and effort.
The sweetness comes in waves and, like the tide, overpowers even the sturdiest stance.
There are few times in our lives when we have the ability to truly experience gratitude. A grace that articulates a clear perception of one’s blessings, gratitude comes only with time, when one’s ability to receive is matched by the comprehension of such rare gifts.
Few days can you wake up and fully grasp the miracle of life, its ability to carry on despite death, disease, corruption, and sin. Life, in all its glory, steals my breath when I open a window and smell the warm air slowly nuzzle into the quiet blades of late summer grass. I am grateful for that smell.
Few days can you laugh over the inevitable (and perhaps even necessary) complications of life – a late appointment, a flat tire, the needles of rain – and move forward in gratitude for simply being alive to witness one more embrace from a loving sister, one more soft kiss from a spouse, and one more conversation with an aging mother.
There is a truth to life that often hides in the folds of activity and bustle: gratitude is experiencing life twice.
Gratitude is what softens us and makes us vulnerable to the fragile reality of our mortality. It deepens our sense of time to where each second becomes an impassable opportunity to open ourselves, to unwind from secrecy, guilt, and unbind ourselves from the hinges of the past. Gratitude is forgiveness, humility, and delivers exhilarating purity.
A natural drug, it propels the mind to see the heart of each act, the true intention of another’s actions, and eradicates insecure bravado and inflation. Pure thanksgiving moves our feet to the side, bows our heads, uplifts and affirms our very self-worth.
I would be nowhere without family. I’d be stunted without friends and for reasons I cannot fathom; I was blessed with the abundance of both. The miracle of each person and their ability to love me quiets every thought in that contemplation. That simple equation of love begets love is the most undervalued lesson in our social development. How had I forgotten that? Love begets love, gratitude begets tranquility.
I intend to live the rest of my life with radical gratitude, a notion that often gets misdiagnosed with expressing thanks. Radical gratitude, a state of perfect spiritual vision, befuddles the temptation to take stock and inventory of one’s personal bank accounts and plans for acquiring more. It leaves the eyes trailing upward and gently taps me when I have enough. In that small prayer it becomes clear that I often have too much; too much for one person to enjoy in one lifetime. It is the only light that uncovers the finest lines of human detail. The clarity of those blessing tastes as sweet as a caramel apple in autumn or strawberry lemonade at noon. It smells like a sleeping baby’s cheek and sounds like rustling green leaves perched high in the clouds. It is as fleeting and weightless as a dandelion’s remains, as delicate as a ballerina’s en pointe, and as vast as the cascade of dark violet mountains. In every crevice of the earth and every inch of our mouths, it waits to captures all of us with its power. It waits to put to rest all of our needless bitterness and folly, banter and noise, bends and fragmentations. It waits to heal all of our questions and brokenness and builds the bridge to voice the words left unsaid, the love still left to do.
Radical gratitude is one’s rebirth, a divine reverence of life.
The Adrenaline of Moving and Goodbye
So, Keith was the good brother and flew out to Boston a few days before our move to help us drive back to Ohio. I admire family sacrifice like that – Bravo Keith!
Our last days in Boston were busy, naturally, and overwhelming to me. As excited I was for the new house, Nick’s new job, and my upcoming trip, the sadness began it’s descent into my urban loving heart. A highrise apartment across the street from Boston Common is not exactly something that is easy to say goodbye to…the city is always exciting and the summertime is the most Awesome (yes, with a capital ‘A’) time of year there. The festivals, beach, concerts, and outdoor events are countless each week.
The last few days we were there, it was like the city was showing off. Boston was spilling with political and awareness marches, block parties, and warm weather. While I enjoyed one last night at my favorite bar, Flash’s, with friends, I spent the majority of the time finishing up work and packing things that I no longer want but can’t bring myself to give away or throw out.
It’s always a marvel when a person moves to see how much stuff you think is necessary to exist; how much you surround yourself with. Every time I move (which is every year), I try and simplify my life and keep only the clothes I regulary use, pack only what I will reasonably want to physically carry, and throw out anything I haven’t used in a year.
The only thing in that pile was a turquoise turtleneck and a striped bedsheet.
I need less strict criteria.
“If I haven’t thought about using this for two years, it’s going to the Donate pile.”
By the end of packing, there was only a handful of clothes and one pair of socks. Pathetic.
Sunday morning, Boston cried big fat rain drops because it knew Nick and I were leaving and wanted to make it difficult. We persevered with Nick’s organization and planned strategies. Anytime we have big projects like moving that require much activity and energy, I swear there’s a wild look in Nick’s eyes where he becomes so focused and determined I feel like I should just flatten myself against a wall and stay out of his way. It’s admirable, but a bit scary. He picks up boxes and furniture items that are too heavy for one person to carry and takes fast strides toward the door like we only have 10 more minutes before we have to leave. Not surprisingly, I am much more relaxed with the schedule and sip my purple Gatorade.
I comment to him, “You have that wild look in your eyes.”
“I just want to get things done,” he smiles while he looks around the room like he wants to wrestle everything.
“You always get like this when we move.”
“The focus is a Borchers specialty,” he explains as if I’ve never met his family.
“Ya think?”
On our way to the movies…
I haven’t been feeling my best the past few days and so when Nick asked me what I wanted to do tonight, the first night of a long weekend, I thought a movie sounded just fine. Most of the summer blockbusters will open next weekend and so we had slim pickings. We chose Made of Honor to soothe my Patrick Dempsey fix.
Nick was not crazy about going to this chick flick, I think he was just trying to make things as simple as possible for me.
The movie theater is less than a two minutes walk away. It’s a block away and across the street. As we were discussing how much we’re going to miss our 2 minute walk to the AMC downtown theater and enjoying the lovely spring evening, something came into the periphery of my vision.
A man on a bike, from behind us, looked like he was trying to go around Nick’s right side (I was on his left). He was going at a pretty fast rate so I grabbed Nick’s arm and pulled him away from the bike man. Surprisingly, the bike guy kept going around to the right side and it looked like was going to ride straight into a building. He bumped the building and whirled the bike around to come on my side now as if he was trying to run ME over this time. I was getting freaked out and wondered what in the world this guy wanted, and before I was able to sputter any words, he leaned into my face and loudly growled like a wild animal, hungry for a meal.
I looked at him like a strange alien and stopped walking. He biked onward.
We watched in disbelief as he knocked over two more people on the sidewalk.
We hurried to the movie and quickly became absorbed in the cheesy plot. Before we knew it, the credits were rolling and dim lights began to fill the room. The first thing Nick says after every movie, “I gotta piss.” I always reply, “I know, I’ll wait in the lobby.”
We parted ways, Nick to the restroom and me walking in a daze toward the lobby. I was just thinking about how I would have preferred the ending to be when I looked up and saw a young woman screaming at a young man. I thought they were just fooling around because her hands were holding onto his shirt and it looked like he was trying to get away from her.
I kept thinking, “I think Patrick Dempsey looks ridiculously good for a man in his forties….”
The young woman screamed, “Give me my f—ing phone! Give me my f—ing phone!”
At this point I looked up, cleared my thoughts and just saw this man shove her to the ground, but not before she nearly twisted his shirt into rags. I was about to help because I was the closest person to her and I saw it might be getting serious, but something clicked in my head to keep moving, I don’t know why. Keep moving.
A clatter. I look down to see what the noise was and it seemed like something had come out of the young man’s jeans and I figured it was the stolen phone she was screaming about. I look down and I see a black handgun on the floor. I was less than five feet from them and the closest person to the gun.
I turned my head and saw Nick coming, just wanting to get out of there.
There was a flurry of movie goers and AMC employees gathering around the gun. Murmurs guessing that it was a fake or possibly a BB gun began to make their way.
Any thoughts of Patrick Dempsey vanished as NIck and I quickly left. On the escalator toward the lobby, we saw the police rushing upstairs. I slowly shook my head and looked at Nick a long time, speechless over the incident.
As we pushed the doors open into the spring city night, the fresh air swept over my face, calming me down. Nick took my hand and said, “There’s a slight possibility that we’ll see a gun again sometime in our lives, but I don’t think we’ll ever have any fool on a bike growl at us ever again. Now that’s the most exciting thing that happened tonight, huh?”
I just looked at him and shrugged.
Springing Forward
There is something tragic about Spring that I cannot put into words.
The lush green trees, the sweet clean air, and the sound of baseball meeting a bat. Spring time.
I sit here with red eyes, a scratchy throat, and compressed lungs that wheeze when outside for more than 5 minutes. I hate my allergies. Egh.
Other than the arrival of beautiful Spring while Boston is rated the third WORST CITY IN THE US for allergies, other things have been going on.
Last weekend, Nick’s parents came into town and it was a lovely break to have some family around us in our home. If you haven’t already, please ask Ron and Nick about their first lobster experience. Two words: DIS-ASTER. I don’t know if Nick is allowed back in Maine after the mess he created on the table. I wasn’t there, but I heard the stories. My reaction when he told me he ordered a lobster, “You don’t like seafood, so I don’t follow why you even tried it in the first place.” His reply, “I live on the edge! That’s how I roll.”
He’s been saying that a lot lately and it is getting old.
This past Monday, Andy Wendelon was in town and since I was trapped in the third ring of hell (work), Nick went out to dinner and showed him a fine bar of Boston. Tomorrow, my bud Jennifer Buckley will be visiting from NYC along with a potential Memorial Day visit from my oldest brother Victor who lives out in Los Angeles. They’ve got the right idea folks — if you want to see Boston, get here sooner rather than later cuz we’re outta here pretty soon.
So other than lobster feasts and family/friends visits, we have been running around like mad with school letting out, moving, house hunting, job hunting (me), and my impending trip to the Philippines. My scheduled departure date is June 23rd.
That’s a quick update from the east coast. Hopefully, I will have more to share as our final weeks in Boston begin to dwindle.
To spring! Cheers!
Spring Time
Don’t you just adore spring?
Aside from my wheezing lungs from springtime allergens and the increased number of tourists in the city, I tell you, there is nothing like spring.
Today, the Boston Marathon cancelled all classes around the city and Nick and watched about 25,000 folks run their fannies off. We were at the finish line and stood for an hour, squished, shoulder to shoulder with screaming strangers who were ringing mini cowbells in our ears.
Pretty awesome and inspiring to watch.
More importantly, Congrats to Staci Condon! Nick and I are so pumped for you and Josh!
Reasons For Change
There’s nothing like change.
There’s nothing that brings the woes of anxiety or the ecstasy of surprise more than the shifting landscape we call life. Even with Nick’s practicality and my intuition put together, we will never be able to predict where the bend of the road will take us.
Deep thoughts, by LFB.
And now, it is with great pleasure (and relief) that I announce some major changes to your favorite Bostonians.
First, as some of you may have heard, Nick has decided to leave his doctoral program at Boston College. While a marriage is an archway over two souls, it’s really his story to tell as to why he’s leaving and I feel funny trying to explain for him. But, essentially, in a nutshell sold at Kroger, Nick is an individual who thrives in helping people in a relational setting; a ministerial purpose drives his personality, faith, and career. Academia can be an extremely isolating and elitist experience. You spend sometimes over 10 hours a day reading and researching topics that only a handful of people will fully understand. With meeting students who have progressed into the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th years in the same program he was in, we observed that not only did the stress never let up, it only intensified with job hunting, more researching, tenure, and the pressure to publish. And just like in any other facet of life, it’s not so much about right and wrong, it was about the question of fit. Nick recognized in the past few months that the fit just wasn’t there. It’s as complicated as that. It’s as simple as that.
Shortly after we began discussing our options, Nick, on a whim, sent his resume to a parish in Cleveland, St. Dominic, who was hiring for a multifaceted position as Pastoral Minister. We were on our way home to Ohio for Easter when this opportunity rose. Within a few weeks, Nick had interviewed, received a wonderful offer, and accepted.
I truly believe that as we get older, it becomes more difficult to communicate in original phrases. The cliches of “follow your heart,” and “you just know,” and “only time will tell,” are so overused, I cringe at the thought of further exploiting their usage. But, it’s true. These stupid cliches are completely true. What has transpired in our lives in the past few months has been painful, wonderful, difficult, and unpredictable. (Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but it’s hard on the emotions.)
We had begun to build our home here in Boston, but found ourselves growing silent to more urgent questions of sustainability, fit, and future. What we thought we wanted has, quite simply, changed. We are also crazily blessed that we are able to shift our lives and dreams in accordance to our desires and find support in every avenue we seek. In times where many are without jobs, the market is bleak for so many, and the economy continues to plummet, Nick and I feel are so grateful for our blessings and opportunities.
Then began the House hunting.
I have been wanting to buy my own house since I was, like, seven years old. Finding the right home for Nick and I has been an incredibly exciting journey, but a strenuous conversation in terms of all the countless considerations when buying your first home. Nick and I will be the first to admit proud and loud: WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BUYING A HOME. Very similarly when we planned a wedding, we started from scratch. We build a layout of what we want and slowly go from there. Very similarly in how we planned our wedding, Nick thinks mechanically: paperwork, mortgages, and equity. I think details: window replacements, roof, foundation, and air conditioning. Now more than ever in my time of knowing Nick, I have thanked God a hundred times this month that he and I are so often on the same page.
This past weekend, we went to Cleveland and between this weekend and Easter, we’ve probably seen about 25 houses. To put it lightly, we are exhausted. This out of state shopping is so hard! But, we have possibilities and we’re keeping the stress level in check. Nick has had more success with that lately.
Onto other big news…as if a new job, house hunting, and moving isn’t enough – I am going on a massively large trip…a trip of a lifetime.
In January, I applied to study in a program that would allow me to study and live in the Philippines for six weeks while I attended crash courses in economics, history, literature, and language classes. The program, built specifically for Filipino Americans who have never been to the Philippines, was a golden find. I was accepted last week and will be conducting my own research at the University of the Philippines, their premier university and one of the oldest in the world. The scholars I will study under are some of the best philosophers, historians, and professors in the country and I am more than excited to go. I will leave sometime at the end of June and return sometime in August (dates are uncertain). This has been an opportunity that I have been looking for my whole life and there are no words to express how perfect this is for me at this time in my life.
And so, I have resigned from my job at Emerson College and have begun peeking around Cleveland for possibilities. But I’m in no rush. My focus is on the trip and preparing for it as best as I can. Nick will begin his new job in July and we’re prepping each other for not seeing each other for six weeks. My heart hurts already just thinking about that.
And, so, our dear family and friends, forgive us for not spilling the beans earlier, but we wanted to wait until we were certain of our plans. And now they are certain. We continue to be grateful for your support, wherever we may be. (Hence the change in the blog title!)
Updates
The city after a snow storm.
Me and Kristie
Nick and I out with my co-workers/support system
(left to right, Dan, Nick, me, Leanne, Alexis)
Random Update:
I got my nose pierced with my friend, Kristie, while we were in Cincinnati over Christmas break. That’s a picture of us above that was taken right after we had them done. If you look closely, you can see a small red swollen spot on our noses. Yep, that’s because a gargantuan sized needle went through our nostrils about 3 minutes previously. Shh – don’t tell my parents.
I got my nose pierced with my friend, Kristie, while we were in Cincinnati over Christmas break. That’s a picture of us above that was taken right after we had them done. If you look closely, you can see a small red swollen spot on our noses. Yep, that’s because a gargantuan sized needle went through our nostrils about 3 minutes previously. Shh – don’t tell my parents.
City Updates:
- The city is crazy for the Superbowl which starts in 6 hours.
- The city is crazy for SuperTuesday which starts in 48 hours.
- The city is crazy because if the Patriots win the Superbowl, they’ll have a parade on SuperTuesday.
Other Updates:
- I finally got my Massachusetts drivers license.
- Last night we found a Filipino restaurant! SCORE!
- We saw the movie Juno this weekend and give it two very big thumbs up for its one liners.
- We potentially have found a parish that we’d like to belong to: St. Cecilia which is an energetic and booming community in downtown Boston.
- Nick’s 2nd semester classes are going well is schedule is a little less stressful with one less class.
- My job is consuming my life and have made a decision to at least begin job hunting for next fall.
- My brother and sister-in-law just found out they’re having another boy! That’s four kids total! 1 girl and 3 boys. God love ’em.
- Nick and Kelly Hartings just had their baby girl, Emma Jeane, on Friday morn – CONGRATS!
- I’m playing with the idea of applying to a masters program at Simmons College. It’s a masters in Gender and Cultural Studies. I figure while I’m surrounded with academics why not jump in, too, you know? Not to mention, this is my area of specialization.
And there you have it – a small glimpse into our lives for the week. Don’t forget that February is when I celebrate my birthday month. * Along with the start of Lent, Mardi Gras, Presiden’s Day, and Valentine’s Day, February holds one of the most treasured days of all time: my bday.
*Ask Nick, I am not exaggerating this statement.
Boston Undies
Keith is in town.
As he is now Mr. Audit for Macy’s, Keith has spent the weekend with us here in Beantown. Knowing that Keith’s been up here a few times before, we knew that entertaining wouldn’t be difficult. A few bars and good eats provided a fitting backdrop as we got to spend some quality time catching up.
On Saturday afternoon, Nick, Keith, and I went into Harvard Square for the afternoon. After a nice lunch at Au Bon Pan, Nick and Keith headed off to explore and I went to explore the sales at some of my favorite retail places. We met up at the great bar of John Harvard’s Brewery and I saw Nick’s shoulders sag with relief when he saw me return with empty hands. No shopping bags means thicker wallet in butt pocket.
We headed back home and walked to the T stop (Boston’s public train station) and amidst our chatting, I noticed an odd site. I shook my head thinking I saw it wrong. I looked again and I could have sworn I saw a few men with jackets and ties, but no pants – only boxers. Nick and Keith were engaged in conversation and I peaked around them to get another look. A few more people appeared in their underwear and before I knew it the train pulled up and Nick was pushing me along to get on the train.
Nick and Keith looked dumbfounded as Fox news and police officers were on the train with us. Cameramen were interviewing common T riders asking how they felt about riding the T with others in their underwear. It was then I looked beside me and saw a man, mostly normally dresssed in a nice suit, except for no pants. He was wearing boxers. Nonchalantly, he read the newspaper and Keith was swiping glances out of the corner of his eye while he did the infamous silent shoulder-shaking Keith laugh.
I looked around and saw a number of police officers just ensuring that nothing too outrageous occured.
Nothing outrageous?
Fox news, police officers, and people running around in their underwear on the T was just another funny day in Boston. As it turns out, it was just an organized harmless prank of over 500 individuals to get people smiling and laughing. Click here for the full story.
As we contemplated whether to drop our own pants or not, Nick, Keith and I could barely contain our laughter when we overheard a police officer say, “Yeah, did you see that one guy’s boxers? The Rubix Cube ones? He must be an engineer or something.”
Settling Again
Nick and I made it back to Boston. With delays.
We’re enjoying a work-free, class-free, student-free weekend and we’re loving it. Little bit of TBS movies and soup, lounging, and light cleaning studded our first Saturday back in Boston. We’re also on a two-a-day workout regime. In hopes of melting off our Massillon/Russia/Cincinnati blubber, we’re hitting the gym twice a day for a while to get back into shape. Other than that, we’re still unpacking and waiting to hear more about Kelly and Tim’s wedding decisions.
Every few hours, Nick explodes with a new number in his countdown toward the BCS national championship game. Tressel and Miles are now household names as we brace ourselves for a tense and nail-biting game. Until then, we’re still debating our 2008 goals (08 is oh-great), how long our two-a-days will last, how awesome Big Fun will be, and how the Buckeyes will resurrect against the Lions.
Oh, by the way, all must be aware that Big Fun is a term I coined about three years ago when I began thinking about how fun their wedding would be and so I casually began using the term, much to Nick’s amusement.
And so, for the future and for clarity, Big Fun will be frequently referenced in the upcoming months.
Big Fun in 08!