Am I a Hipster: A One Act Play About Moving To New York

Setting: Dinner Table, Spring Night in Cleveland 6:30pm

Two parents, one four year old eating a huge bowl of chocolate pudding for dessert

Empty plates in front of everyone, cleaned from a night of chicken burritos.

Nick: I was pinged by one of my coworkers who asked if we made a decision about the move.

Lisa: Uh-huh.

Nick: I told her that we’re deciding between Riverdale and some parts in Brooklyn.  Do you know what she said?

Lisa: She can’t believe we’re thinking about Brooklyn.

Nick: Yes. And do you know why?

Lisa: Something about hipsters, I’m sure.

Nick: Yes! She said,’I never pictured you a hipster.’

Lisa: (laughs)

Nick: Wait.  What’s a hipster?

Lisa: You don’t know what a hipster is?

Nick: I mean, what IS a hipster?

Lisa: Do you want my definition or, like, a real definition.

Nick: Either. Both.

Lisa: Well, it’s like that one guy said the other day. You don’t own something specific, like a lawn mower.  There’s only one, and it’s all community shared because it’d be considered cool to not own anything so you don’t own anything.

Nick: Oh man. That’s me! Give me another definition.

Lisa: It’s like-

Isaiah: Excuse me!

Nick: Because I really want to know-

Isaiah: Excuse me!

Lisa & Nick: Yes, Isaiah?

Isaiah: I have a definition.

Lisa: You have a definition for “hipster?”

Isaiah: Lazy. It’s someone who is lazy.

Lisa: (laughs) Awesome. (stop laughing) Wait a second. You’re right! Lazy people who can’t think of fashion for themselves, so they go by what’s trending.

Nick: (grabs laptop) I’m looking this up.

Lisa: (puts plates away)

Isaiah giggles, slowly impacted by sugared pudding.

Nick: It says someone who follows trends and is an artis-, artisan- artisnal – look, I can’t even pronounce it.  That must mean I’m not a hipster.

Lisa: Artisinal?

Nick: Someone who lives in gentrified areas. Ohhhh.

Lisa: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Nick: And…what is this word? E-f-f-e-t-e

Lisa: Effete?

Isaiah: You said feet.