Let this declaration be heard: I am not Teddy Ginn, Jr.

While I myself consider myself to have an electric personality, I do not have electrofying running skills as the star running back of the Ohio State Buckeyes football team.

Why am I writing this? The connection is related to why I have not posted all week.

Last Turkey weekend, Adonis and I were enjoying the unusual warm temperatures by indulging in my favorite pastime: throwing a nerf football around and pretending I am an undiscovered athlete with tremendous speed. Adonis, the football guru, is teaching me different plays: a fly, inner, outer, stop’n go…

Adonis is trying to advise me how to run full speed and then suddenly stop, change direction and turn to catch the damn ball. I tried. I went to work Monday and that was the last recorded activity this week. I’ve been lying down for 3 days. A trip to the doctor yesterday confirmed my left butt pain that began descending down my left leg.

Adonis and I glimpsed what we’ll be like in about 60 years. Him holding onto me while I peed because I could not sit on the hard toilet. Him pulling my pants up as I wailed about my helplessness.

I’m limping around, but am back on my feet. The good news is that I got about 32523 hours worth of GRE studying, which I’m taking on Sunday.

I’m going to kick it in the nuts.