Let this post serve as my occasional need to emotionally vomit, a syndrome of living in the modern world…Being a woman is messy. Let me rephrase, being an caring, passionate observer is messy. There is nothing clean and linear about life, Period. What I have found in dinner parties, blogging, social justice work, marriage – LIFE – is messiness, misunderstanding…why do I feel the need to fucking explain myself over and over again to people who do not know me, nor ever will?
Should I declare this?
Hey – I’m not pro-choice! Hey – I’m not pro-life either! I’m more worried about the results and indications of these titles and propoganda than I am concerned with how I identify.
Hey! I waited until I was married to have sex. Hey! I am not convinced pre-marital sex is a sin!
Know what else? I voted for George Bush in 2000! Then I voted for John Kerry in 2004! I’m not a flip-flopper, I’m now more aware that neither really knows the plight of what women face everyday. Why? Because they’re both absurdly wealthy white men who have never known sacrifice a day of their political lives. And I don’t mean sacrifice like, I went to war and thrice won medals or I flew to Ohio seven times in two weeks to have rallies in Dayton to get the vote. I mean sacrifice like, “We can’t buy that medicine, the car needs repairs.”
What’s more…I’m a Spanish Filipina! Hey! I married a white guy- he’s German, French, and Irish! ’nuff said.
Also, I’m a devout Catholic! I truly believe in doctrines and the symbolism of the C-Church. But, guess what the pisser is? I actually take time to read and understand the role of oral tradition, religious history, and Scripture. You won’t believe this, but for as much error and misunderstanding as there is in the practice and education of the church, there is much life-giving Truth is you are willing to invest in finding it…similiar to the investment you make in your family. Change and growth is necessary for survival. And! I’m a feminist of color! I listen to eminem, country, and the 80s. I’m the youngest of 4 with an achievement complex. Spanish is more comfortable than Tagalog.
Can my narcissism continue for another paragraph? Of couse! I’m a closet perfectionist and outright fierce competitor. Losing is never an option and if I do, I pout like a little bitch. I’m spiritual, forgiving, and compassionate and love doing nothing and losing myself in my own world. I’d never join the army or the PTO. Once a cheerleader, I now hate cheerleading and cheerleaders, but still admit, I loved the performance element of it. I could do without the lust, sexism, and stereotype reinforcement, though. Knitting and crocheting are hobbied proofs that I might be ADHD. Pill-popping is not my thing, nor have I ever done drugs, but still have a secret fantasy of doing heroin. As a member of standonline.org, I campaign for a smoke-free world and love an occasional cigarette or brandied cigar.
Hey! If you have something negative to say: get the f! off my blog.